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How to Build Self Control
2008-01-31 23:51

Have you ever angrily stuffed the last doughnut down your throat? Have you ever failed a test in school because playing games is much more important than studying? By following these simple steps, one can build, strengthen, and maintain one's self-control.

Steps

  1. Analyze your life. See which areas are suffering and which are prospering. If you are failing all of your classes in school, you might need to study! If you are gaining weight at an alarming rate, you may need to sacrifice a few candy bars. You may be pushing yourself too hard. Take breaks over the weekends, even if you are doing wasteful things.
  2. Analyze the area in which you are lacking control. If your grades are plummeting, recognize that your study life plays an integral part in the grading system. Read books or articles about the area you are having difficulty with. Becoming informed makes it much easier to make the right decision when you're tempted to overdo something. For example, if you want to lose weight, taking the time to read about nutrition and healthy dieting will naturally motivate you and make eating right much more enjoyable. In terms of gaining self control, knowledge really is power!
  3. Act on your analysis. By this time, you have recognized that you are failing school. You have delved further into the problem and noticed that you spend much of your free time doing things other than study or homework. In order to build self-control, you must practice self-denial. Challenge yourself to break your destructive habits. Challenge others to challenge you to break your habits. Lack of study? Tell your mother, father, brother, sister, friend, anyone, to order you to get off your computer after 10 minutes. Gaining weight? Give half of your lunch to your coworker everyday.
  4. Stay accountable to someone i.e someone to ask you if you've gotten on the treadmill today. This is a great use for kids.
  5. Analyze your action. Still gaining weight even after making proper diet changes? Try exercising or consulting a doctor. Your grades aren't improving? Try listening in class and reviewing work every other day.
Tips
  • In order to build self-control, you must deny yourself. Practice giving away things. Give away gifts that you receive; be creative.
  • Make self-denial a habit and not just a trend. If you intend to truly change yourself, you must make these steps a constant guide for the rest of your life. Even though you may feel righteous for sharing your lunch or doing your homework for a week, if you lapse back into your bad habits, all of your hard work has been in vain.
  • Possess a strong will and still have self-control problems? Instead of removing the subject of your desire from your presence, deliberately challenge yourself with this subject. Have an addiction to television? Turn on the television and avert your eyes and watch a shelf or a book for two hours. Not only will you gain a stronger will, but you will also feel the strength of your addiction begin to fade.
  • You may find research into such concepts as Neuro-linguistic Programming beneficial, as these tools can be used to affect strengths of addictions and other problems in your mind.
  • Never punish yourself for the lack of control. You will only feed the power of your lack of self control.
  • Self-control cannot be compartmentalized; don’t think you can be self-controlled in your use of the computer and not in your TV watching. You need to practice discipline in all areas of your life. Do this by paying attention to details in all areas of life; if your room is dirty, clean it, if a picture is crooked, straighten it. Soon you will see your effort in one area spill over to others.

Warnings

  • Do not get carried away with your desire to gain control. It is unhealthy to not eat. It is also not a good policy to give away things which are essential to your life such as a wedding ring.

Self-control is the key to success

Tuesday, May 9, 2006

AROUND 1970, psychologist Walter Mischel launched a classic experiment. He left a succession of 4-year-olds in a room with a bell and a marshmallow. If they rang the bell, he would come back and they could eat the marshmallow. If, however, they didn't ring the bell and waited for him to come back on his own, they could then have two marshmallows.

In videos of the experiment, you can see the children squirming, kicking, hiding their eyes -- desperately trying to exercise self-control so they can wait and get two marshmallows. Their performance varied widely. Some broke down and rang the bell within a minute. Others lasted 15 minutes.

The children who waited longer went on to get higher SAT scores. They got into better colleges and had, on average, better adult outcomes. The children who rang the bell quickest were more likely to become bullies. They received worse teacher and parental evaluations 10 years later and were more likely to have drug problems at age 32.

The Mischel experiments are worth noting because people in the policy world spend a lot of time thinking about how to improve education, how to reduce poverty, how to make the most of the nation's human capital. But when policymakers address these problems, they come up with structural remedies: reduce class sizes, create more charter schools, increase teacher pay, mandate universal day care and try vouchers.

The results of these structural reforms are almost always disappointingly modest. Yet policymakers rarely ever probe deeper into problems and ask the core questions, such as how do we get people to master the sort of self-control that leads to success? To ask that question is to leave the policymakers' comfort zone -- which is the world of inputs and outputs, appropriations and bureaucratic reform -- and to enter the murky world of psychology and human nature.

Yet the Mischel experiments, along with everyday experience, tell us that self-control is essential. Young people who can delay gratification can sit through sometimes boring classes to get a degree. They can perform rote tasks in order to, say, master a language. They can avoid drugs and alcohol. For people without self-control skills, however, school is a series of failed ordeals. No wonder they drop out. Life is a parade of foolish decisions: teenage pregnancy, drug use, gambling, truancy and crime.

If you're a policymaker and you are not talking about core psychological traits such as delayed gratification skills, then you're just dancing around with proxy issues. The research we do have on delayed gratification tells us that differences in self-control skills are deeply rooted but also malleable. Differences in the ability to focus attention and exercise control emerge very early, perhaps as soon as nine months. But there is no consensus on how much of the ability to exercise self-control is hereditary and how much is environmental.

The ability to delay gratification, like most skills, correlates with socioeconomic status and parenting styles. Children from poorer homes do much worse on delayed gratification tests than children from middle-class homes. That's probably because children from poorer homes are more likely to have their lives disrupted by marital breakdown, violence, moving, etc. They think in the short term because there is no predictable long term.

The good news is that while differences in the ability to delay gratification emerge early and persist, that ability can be improved with conscious effort. Moral lectures don't work. Sheer willpower doesn't seem to work either. The children who resisted eating the marshmallow didn't stare directly at it and exercise iron discipline. On the contrary, they were able to resist their appetites because they were able to think about other things.

What works, says Jonathan Haidt, the author of "The Happiness Hypothesis," is creating stable, predictable environments for children, in which good behavior pays off -- and practice. Young people who are given a series of tests that demand self-control get better at it.

This pattern would be too obvious to mention if it weren't so largely ignored by educators and policymakers. Somehow we've entered a world in which we obsess over structural reforms and standardized tests, but skirt around the moral and psychological traits that are at the heart of actual success. Mischel tried to interest New York schools in programs based on his research. Needless to say, he found almost no takers.

This article appeared on page B - 7 of the San Francisco Chronicle


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