A man walked into a doctor's examining room.
"Put out your tongue," the doctor said.
The man put out his tongue and the doctor said.
"0. K. You can put your tongue back now. " the doctor said.
"it's clear what's wrong with you . You need more exercise."
"But, doctor, " the man said. "I don't think—"
" Don't tell I me what you think, " the doctor said I am the
doctor, not you. I know what you ne

Vacationing on the island of Oahu, we were waiting in our tour
bus for some stragglers to show up. A man, obviously not with our
group, approached the bus and was about to board. How would our
driver handle the situation, we wondered. Straight-faced, he
leaned toward the door and asked, "Going to the nudist Colony, sir?"

"Oh, no," replied the would-be passenger, retreating quickly.

Works every time," the driver said with a

A penny-pinching farmer didn't want his hired hand to stop
working. One morning, he told the farmhand, "It's such a nuisance
to come in from the field,, wash up for lunch and take time to eat.
Why don't we save time and eat lunch now?"

The hired man agreed. The farm's wife brought in some cold meat
and fried potatoes, and the two men ate again.

When they had finished, the cheap famer said, "While we're
still at the table, let's

My sister, a primary school teacher, was informed by one of
her pupils that a bird had built its nest in the tree outside the
classroom.

"What kind of bird?" my sister asked.

"I didn't see the bird, ma' am, only the nest," replied the
child.

"Then, can you give us a description of the nest?" my sister
encouraged her .

"Well, ma'am, it just resembles your hair. "

Notes:

A bar owner locked up his place at 2 a. m. and went home to
sleep. He had been in bed only a few minutes when the phone rang."
What time do you open up in the morning ?" he heard an obviously
inebriated man inquire.

The owner was so furious, he slammed down the receiver and went
back to bed. A few minutes later there was another call and he heard
the same voice ask the same question. "Listen," the owner
shouted ,"there's no se

To prevent our dog, Lacy, from pestering visitors to our house,
my mother often massaged her as she lounged beneath the kitchen
table, her favorite resting spot. One day a contractor came over
to talk about a home-improvement project. As he and my mother sat
across the table discussing the renovations, my mother slipped off
her shoes and mindlessly soothed Lacy with her feet. My mother had
been talking for about a half-hour when to her great embarrassment
she

As a band instructor at an elementary school, I require my
students to turn in practice sheets signed by their parents so I
can be sure they are putting in enough time. I had to laugh, however,
when one parent wrote on her child's sheet, "Practiced 17 minutes,
but it seemed like hours.

Notes:

(1) band n.乐队
(2) instructor n.指挥
(3) turn in 上交；归还
(4) signed by their parents:由他们的父母签名的。这是一个分
词短语作定语修饰

A dog owner claimed that his pet, when given money, would go
to the news stall to buy a paper. His friend insisted on a
demonstration and handed the dog some money - The dog trotted off,
but an hour later he had still not returned with the paper.

"How much did you give him?" asked the owner.

"Five dollars.

"Well, that explains it. When you give him five dollars, he
goes to a movie."

Notes: