喜欢现在寝室里三个人的相处氛围，比大一的时候好多了，一年熟络了随便寝室里怎么疯怎么闹。虽然根据某人的理论似乎三个人的相处方式容易产生其中两人亲近并疏远第三人的情况，而我之前很明显就是相对比较疏远的那个……不过最近几天貌似有些改善。

经常沉浸于回忆中似乎不是件太好的事，13说倒数着的喜悦只是片刻，现在想想的确如此：总是回忆高中时候小迷茫却又小期待的生活，回忆那次难忘的排球赛以及难忘的坐在草地上欣赏的长拳……可现在似乎仍是一如既往的沉默——或者说是内在的沉默——对那些社团、学生活动没什么兴趣，从幼儿园就显露出的始终不太愿意合群的性格。或许是从未有过的背叛、从未有过的心思起伏，一言难尽。或者又要所谓的“推卸责任”，把沉默的因素归结到自己喜欢的环境和人身上？

应该是一部分原因吧，可能更是那些被学习裹挟着的岁月。现在再要回想小学或者那是作文里总喜欢提到的“童年”，真的只是一片空白——就想起了只教了一年级就离开的喜欢的班主任、教了4年要我每学期的开始都要写一篇总结、每学期结束都要写一篇展望的班主任（说实话，小学毕业的那一刻，我的心情就是：终于不用再写这些东西了！）其余的基本没什么记忆。

初中的话就是莫名其妙地当了数学课代表和宣传委员，后者又在老妈的再三要求下渐渐放弃。那时候的宣传委员说到底就是出出黑板报，可是我很喜欢。整个初中水彩都是我的最爱，可是现在已经多久没碰画笔了……初中的回忆应该是毁誉参半吧（想不出别的词儿了）我喜欢那种一进门就是我的“大作”呈现在眼前的感觉，我喜欢听语文老师像上大学课程那样的自由；我喜欢去旁边附中空荡的操场酣畅淋漓地跑完步再躺在椅子上休息的感觉，我甚至喜欢轮值那天拿着拖把拖完整个教室最后离开的成就感。那个时候应该是真正的如鱼得水吧，所谓的束缚似乎一挣脱就会消逝，或许这是班干部共有的想法？阻止过其他人欺负自己的好朋友，和别人一起背负过为了“报仇”而犯的错，（真没想到我居然也写过检讨……）可是不会有一贯的洒脱，后来私下里哭过，可似乎也是自己的原因。也许就是从此开始不愿太直白地面对他人吧，太直白伤人也伤己。冷笑：这就是所谓的中庸？希望是自己理解错误。

单纯终究敌不过那些旁人复杂的心思，小聪明终究敌不过大智若愚；想着谁、念着谁，终究敌不过一句“再见”，eye contact终究敌不过空间的阻隔。悲乎？悲哉！

是惊醒的，因为已经是下午了，真是“长醉美梦不愿醒”呵。醒来的时候，猛然坐起身，对于梦中的一切还感到不可思议，然后就后悔了：怎 么没有再多睡一会呢？即使是在梦中相伴也好呵。其实说真的，已经好久没有想起他了，毕竟有半年没见了，似乎身形在渐渐模糊。半年里也听 说了一些他的分分合合。没有刻意打听，却总是能从其他的途径看到些蛛丝马迹，于是心情也在初得消息之时随他起起伏伏。

晚上一直在听梁静茹的歌，然后不时瞥一眼她的歌词，或是跟着哼唱几句。Lili这样说：女生总是莫名地会在一些小细节的地方怦然心动， 没有办法的事。知道的人不多，连当事人都不知道，自己都要苦笑了：无疾而终就是这样吧？有人说莽撞让自己后悔一阵子，怯懦让自己后悔一辈子。看到这句话当时就在心中反复默念，唏嘘不已：我倒是两样都占了。许是被第一次伤到了，所以第二次只有过几次隐晦的暗示。对于他的答复其实我自己都无法确定——太容易相信人，太容易被人骗；对于别人模糊不清的话总是弄不明白。这些话也对他说过，讲得很清楚。

就这样错过了吧，然后始终沉浸在回忆的甜蜜里，沉浸在擦肩的悲伤里。看到有关星座的文章就迫不及待地寻找两个人的，然后一次次看到说是绝配的，一次次看到说他的星座很花心。可是即使如此，我连狂喜和失望的权利都没有。Lili说星座里关于情感都是不可信的，她只比较关注其他方面。可我还是执着地去看，就让自己有个关于他的幻想吧……这样一来，还真是“我爱你，但与你无关”。棉棉说爱情是无常的，是一种感觉，只有跳出爱情才能看见爱情，所以应该爱上爱本身，而不是爱情。可是到底有多少人真的能做到这样呢？对于我而言，大概只能在爱情里兜兜转转，做个无头苍蝇吧。

老姐说要学会揣摩对方的心思，说话的时候不要不顾后果，要想想他听了会有什么感觉。过去都只是一味地倾泄，可曾想过他为何愿意倾听。在那之前甚至都没有想过要感谢他，瞬间醍醐灌顶。平素就不习惯外露情感，若非很熟的熟人绝不会吐诉心声。可是现在就连联系的时间都屈指可数——怕他在上课没有时间，怕他外出没有时间，怕他……和别人在一起……没有时间。不敢打搅他，不敢困扰他。住得应该不远吧，可大多数时间，我在东北角，他在西南角。于是只有对着通讯录里他的名字发呆，或者是对着照片里的他发呆，或者是对着校内里他的头像发呆……

梦里的他，很温柔。不愿忘记那时他的样子，他的音容笑貌，就这样攥在手心里吧。

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两天之后，再次梦见他，梦里在我走上讲台前温柔地捏了捏我的手。一定笑得很幸福吧... 阅读全文
类别：Self Anatomy 查看评论]]> 2009-08-21 20:34 http://hi.baidu.com/chmathilda/blog/item/ec559defc28b6ee6ce1b3eff.html        成绩陆陆续续出来了，我拿到了迄今为止进大学以来的最低成绩——第一个B，怒！！！可恶的经管，跟你没完！！以后还要碰面课咋办啊...想当初我看到那本厚得要死的课本的时候就直翻白眼，复习的时候在“晨读”看打出来的PPT一直被蚊子咬，结果还是这样...实在不行我以后选法政算了...

      考完四级走出光华楼的时候外面热得吓人，不过还是和室友去五角场吃散伙饭了。在里面孵了一个钟头的空调拍了张合影然后逛了一会街。想了想自己五角场基本上建好以后逛了还没超过8次。恩，我是乖宝宝~~~

      回到寝室的时候差不多接近汗如雨下，没想到过了一会外面倒开始下暴雨了。得，直接回家的计划搁浅，于是就拼命花宽带剩下的钱，反正要搬寝室了还要去注销的。

      寝室条件据说差了很多。三人一间，走廊里撑开伞就没法走人，网速据说也是时断时续。当时分完寝室的时候班长及周围人看了名单后说我们的寝室很强大，“都是平时很用功的人”，到时候要住在我们旁边。听了有点愣，我居然也算？吃饭的时候和袁袁聊起来，她听了也蛮意外的，对于她，也对于我。好吧，外表果然是会骗人的...

      雨小了的时候驮着大包小包回到家，还是不想复习，当然没网了，于是开始玩游戏、自己也许已经算是“大考大玩，小考小玩”的那类人了吧？这个学期一直就不太想看书，基本上非专业课都被拿来睡觉或者做别的事情；德语也就课前预习一下，课后做下书后练习，单元测验前一天通宵。总是打不起精神，浑浑噩噩的时光啊...

喜欢女声版本，试试地址行不行...

放到首页去先...

http://sites.google.com/site/machildawu/Home/Alsichfortging-Rosenstolz.mp3

Als ich fortging Als ich fortging war die Straße steil kehr wieder um

nimm an ihrem Kummer teil,   mach sie heil.

Als ich fortging war der Asphalt heiß - kehr wieder und

red ihr aus um jeden Preis,   was sie weiß.

Nichts ist unendlich, so sieh das doch ein,

ich weiß, du willst unendlich sein - schwach und klein

Feuer brennt nieder, wenn's keiner mehr nährt,

kann ja selber, was dir heut widerfährt.

Als ich fortging warn die Arme leer - kehr wieder um

mach's ihr leichter einmal mehr, nicht so schwer.

Als ich fortging kam ein Wind so schwach - warf mich nicht um,

unter ihrem Tränendach war ich schwach

Nichts ist unendlich, so sieh das doch ein,

ich weiß, du willst unendlich sein, schwach und klein.

Nichts ist von Dauer, wenn's keiner recht will,

auch die Trauer wird da sein, schwach und klein

       更烦人的是在这么忙的时候还插进来个书院结业晚会，有些班High得好像过头了，不至于吧？女扮男装，跪地求婚都出来了，不像是我认识的大学了...

      11点的时候爸妈来催了，还没结束，也就赶忙回去了。外面比里面暖和一点，香灰堂的空调冷得我起了鸡皮疙瘩。路上经过北区的时候一男生骑着车朝我吹口哨，吓了一跳。从来没碰到过这种情况，晚上的学校果然有点不一样，应该是学生吧。瞥了一眼，穿着红色的11号球衣，车后压着一个足球。反正是晚上，自己也看不清。此人纠缠了一段路后就消失了，事后其实还是有点心有余悸的。那么长的班衫毫无美感可言，顶多就是一条裙子而已，此人大概也眼神不好:P

       就涂到这儿吧，还要看毛概呢...为了考试德语都没怎么看，或者是自己不够自觉...

       其实事情的原委是这样的：昨晚上看完书已经1点了，躺在床上很热，翻来覆去睡不着。早上1、2节没课，so闹钟定在8：50。但是7：30 3个室友洗漱的时候被关在了门外，于是叫我，但又想起我在睡觉，还是问楼下的阿姨拿钥匙。早上的我很浅眠，一下子就醒了，回了几声却没人应只好又躺下。但是！！！睡觉一被打断，我的睡眠时间完全被打乱。于是乎8：50闹钟被我给关了，然后一直睡到那么晚...更糗的是，自己还是被阿姨检查卫生开门的声音给吵醒的，于是阿姨就看到我坐在床上迷迷糊糊的样子批评说：“地怎么这么脏？今天送水怎么没把饮水机给关了？”（周一都是我负责卫生）走了。送水工来送水的时候估计应该没看到吧~ :P

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     最近很喜欢苍井优，高高瘦瘦的样子，很文艺很邻家，在看她的《料理仙姬》（内博贵长得有点像胡歌呵~~）发现住校了以后反而开始学烧菜了，主要是回家洗澡顺便吃饭，家里没人就自己解决。虽然现在还是最基本的点心——馄饨，饺子，小笼，面条之类。发现自己胆子还不是很小，问一下基本步骤就上阵了。内容以后会慢慢丰富起来，因为,,Die Liebe geht durch den Magen." 心灵手巧是一件幸福的事情，总觉得这样才是,,Jedes kleine Teil von mir liebt jedes kleine Teil von dir"。冬天的时候，喜欢看着眼前冒着热气的一碗；夏天的时候，喜欢看着眼前壁上接着水滴的一碗。So wollte ich ihm auch, da kann er meine Stimmung fühlen.O(∩_∩)O~

      我问的最多的问题是“Have you seen the movie 'Twilight'?”哈哈，最近有点从沉迷中走出来了，不过还没完全脱开。然后发现问的几个老外大都在IT行业或者学习这块的，也许这些人经常挂网上？

     其中一个英国人还问了我关于中国政府、朝鲜问题的看法，记录如下：

Connecting to server...

Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hello

You: hi

Stranger: How are you?

You: Fine. wher're you from?

Stranger: England

Stranger: You?

You: China. do you like Declan Gelbraith?

Stranger: Who is he?

You: he's a young singer. he sings "Tell me why"

Stranger: I've not heard of him. Just had a look on Wiki and he is famous abroad

Stranger: I like Rick Astley. Have you heard of him?

Stranger: He is very big over here

You: I heard that he seems to be famous in German? eh no popsinger?

Stranger: Yes, apparently he is.

You: Oh I've heard the song!!

Stranger: Yes, its very famous here. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rickroll

You: are you still a student?

Stranger: No, I look after some IT systems for a small goverment dept

Stranger: Are you?

You: I am a student. I just studied German, but am not very good at it.

Stranger: I dont speak any German. We are lucky that English is so widely used

Stranger: Makes it much easier to talk to people and travel

You: well it is. Have you been to Europe often?

Stranger: Yes, I have been to a many places in Europe. I have also been to America both the West and East coasts but not any where in the middle

Stranger: Have you travelled much?

You: which place do you like most? I have just travelled in my country, but it's big enough for me to go around:p

Stranger: Yes, it is VERY big. I live Barcelona in Spain the most in Europe. Although I also like snowboarding in northern Italy

Stranger: I do not like France very much. The people are not friendly

You: Really? For they aren't willing to speak English?(kidding) While I like watching films best.

Stranger: Haha, yes maybe that why!! But I do speak a little French

Stranger: I dont watch films really, I very much like comedy

You: Choplin? or Jim Carey、

Stranger: Jim Cary is good.... Have you heard of the famous "Only fools and horses" comedy from England?

You: well i don't watch comedies a lot. The most famous one in England for me is perhaps Mr. Bean...

Stranger: Ah, Mr Bean! That is funny too

Stranger: Are you at University or College?

You: I saw it for the first time when I was in primary school. University. Does it matter?

Stranger: No, just curious. Do you have to pay to go to University in China?

You: It's the tuition fee.

Stranger: Thats a lot like in the UK. It is getting very expensive for students here now

Stranger: Do you have a part time job to pay for it?

You: ehh not yet. The German alone occupies me much time indeed. English and German are so alike...

Stranger: You English is pretty good :)

Stranger: *You're

You: 3q. But sometimes I feel confused about them.What's your next sentence?

Stranger: Next sentence?

You: "*You're"? What's that about?

Stranger: Oh, sorry... I was correcting my previous one.... as in "You're english is pretty good"

Stranger: Do you have many issues with the internet being filtered by your government?

Stranger: It is reported about a lot over here

You: Well it depends on the Westen media's attitude. We Chinese won't support those who ignore the truth.

Stranger: The western media are not popular over here. People feel as though they often side with the governemt

Stranger: Its hard to know what to believe sometimes

You: I'm not clear about that. it is. But actually all the international activities are based on benefits.

Stranger: What are your thoughts about North Korea?

You: Perhaps it's a warning that the country isn't afraid of others, no matter China or the West.

Stranger: Yes, they seem to not care what anyone thinks. We are lucky that they stil deal with China as they are the only people that they will talk with

You: yep Peace is always welcome, even in this somehow unstable world.

Stranger: I hope that the North Koreans do not carry on with the nuclear program, its so unnecasary

Stranger: I had bettered get on with my work now. Nice to meet you

Stranger: Bye

You: Nice to meet you,too. Bye~~

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

or send us feedback.

      我已经摸到了死神的嘴唇，那样的感觉已经足够，这是折磨。那不是Vampire的嘴唇，不是Edward的嘴唇，he won't crook a smile to me，even if it's so ice cold. I'll be afraid. 就是贪生怕死，就是没什么高风亮节。本能无法改变，我不想再经历一次了......

      结果是一发不可收拾，其实说真的并没有演员很好看的感觉（某些人不要Pia我），但是放在一起很符合整部片子的气氛，诡异而浪漫。接着就开始上贴吧找原声带，后知后觉的知道原来书已经出了4部了，于是全部下下来。周末2天就一直放着里面的音乐，开着金山词霸看完第一部小说，完全不顾下周二的德语考试（几乎什么也没看，课本一直停留在第一页...）

       于是不可避免地想起小学5年级看"Harry Potter"的情形，那时候是完全相反的，先是在还没开始流行不知道讲些什么的时候借了小说，电影却只看了第一部，没了兴趣也没了时间。相比之下，Twilight应该会持续得更久一些吧，至少在这种魔幻带点小恐怖的电影里用LP以及其他摇滚我还是第一次经历。这样的电影应该归在成人童话的分类里吧。

PS "Decode"真的挺好听的，等会放上来...

Some Quotations from "Twilight"

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was part of him — and I didn't know how potent that part might be — that thirstedfor my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

"Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me." He looked down,
ashamed again. "The thought of you, still, white, cold… to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses… it would be unendurable." He lifted his glorious, agonized eyes to mine. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" he murmured. I looked away, hiding my eyes as I thrilled to the word.
"What a stupid lamb," I sighed.
"What a sick, masochistic lion."

"I love you," he said. "It's a poor excuse for what I'm doing, but it's still true."

"I love you," I said in a low, intense voice. "I will always love you, no matter what happens now."

It's like you've taken half my self away with you.

"You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose."

"I brought you to the prom," he said slowly, finally answering my question, "because I don't want you to miss anything. I don't want my presence to take anything away from you, if I can help it. I want you to be human. I want your life to continue as it would have if I'd died in nineteen-eighteen like I should have."

       VB根本不想去看，连着几周的课都睡过去了，老师的PPT就是抄书，还不示范。前几天追着看下午重播的《团长》，时间又更少了些，不过再这样下去一定会崩溃，精力有限，所以还是等网上出来了再一起看吧。

P.S. 已经订了《团长》的上下册，期待海报中，拉拉拉~~~