i really dont get it! why men's always bullshiting? why cant they just do what they said? is it that hard to achieve? my sense is telling me to leave, but my sensibility is draging me to stay. my body is spliting, my brain is exploding. it is too hard for me to leave. i cant do it. he's the only one i've ever loved. he's the only one i planed to spend my life with. he's the only i always want to grow old with. its just too hard to just leave. i know if i stay, i'll get hurt seriously some day. but maybe that will help me to leave. yes, am i waiting to be get hurt then leave? it seems that i choose to do so. maybe that's the only way i can persuade myself to leave him.

just hope he wont do things to push me away anymore. just hope, that day will never come. i know i am a looser and mean to be drowned one day. i just cant help. even God cant help.